Marriage is something that is under attack as an institution. Many wish to enlarge its borders, so that gays can be married. Others want multiple partners. Sharia Law allows for a man to have many wives. Exactly what's fair, should be carefully considered.
Fairness is something that everybody wants, but no two can agree on what it means. If I give a cookie to my 3 eldest children, and half a cookie to the youngest, she screams. She screams even though she is two years old, and I haven't taught her about fairness. Fairness is inborn.
If you can have it, then I can have it. That's the argument. Another argument about fairness is that someone has earned something. If one works fifteen hour days with diligence and honesty, and another lies around shooting needles in their arm, do they both deserve the same salary? Should all have the same amount, in spite of work ethic? Marriage isn't exactly something that you work at, or deserve, or is it? The more beautiful among us have more opportunities. The more intelligent, and the wealthier, have more options. But even severely handicapped people can get married.
Fairness is something that everybody wants, but no two can agree on what it means. If I give a cookie to my 3 eldest children, and half a cookie to the youngest, she screams. She screams even though she is two years old, and I haven't taught her about fairness. Fairness is inborn.
If you can have it, then I can have it. That's the argument. Another argument about fairness is that someone has earned something. If one works fifteen hour days with diligence and honesty, and another lies around shooting needles in their arm, do they both deserve the same salary? Should all have the same amount, in spite of work ethic? Marriage isn't exactly something that you work at, or deserve, or is it? The more beautiful among us have more opportunities. The more intelligent, and the wealthier, have more options. But even severely handicapped people can get married.
In marriage, it has traditionally been something that could only take place between a man and a woman. Parental consent was once a requirement, as was the blessing of the church. Many churches now allow gay marriage, and even gay ordination, something that was unthinkable only thirty years back.
The Lutheran split over gay ordination, will presumably also reflect a split over gay marriage. Marriage to the Missouri Synod means babies, and family. ELCA places an emphasis on love, irrespective of how that love is expressed whether it's via oral sex, or anal sex.
Melancthon wrote, "the union of male and female belongs to the order of natural laws. Since the natural law is immutable, the right to contract marriage must always remain" (cited in Law and Protestantism, p. 241).
Many now claim that gayness is also natural, as is pluralistic sex, or wanting to have sex with animals. (In Fairness, this last example is in the wings, but has yet to say its name, or to be voted on by the good people of the ELCA. That is to say, that people who are living outside of marriage in relationship with a rhinocerous have yet to be ordained.)
Since the so-called Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, the strictures surrounding who can have sex with whom are increasingly under assault. The recent case of Roman Polanski's alleged rape and sodomy of a 13-year old girl (a woman now 45) has been sanctioned by the likes of Woody Allen (himself the father of his bride) and other members of Hollywood. One of the Papas of the Mamas and the Papas, or was it one of the Mamas, had a relationship with her own Papa (I haven't sorted this one out yet) for a period exceeding ten years. It's too boring to bother to sort out the details. It strikes some of us as evil, but others as love. All definitions are subject to ongoing revision.
So what should one think about this and fairness? Is one to say no to a proposition of a young man and a giraffe, and to deny the two of them happiness in a civil court?
Should only the possible creation of children be considered, in a state in which some cannot have children, even though they are a man and a woman in love?
"Mutual procreation and nurturance of children" was once considered the norm for marriage (Law and Protestantism, p. 253). But there were always some outsiders. William Burroughs married a woman named Joan and shot apples off her head in the sixties in lieu of having children. Eventually they did have a son, who was born as a drug addict, and later died after his second or third kidney transplant. Joan died after William shot her in the head, having missed the apple. They loved to tell about the game, and William felt remorse.
The apple perhaps reminds us of Adam and Eve, and that marriage is the only superlapsarian institution (existing before the Fall). Some couples marry later in life, or are unable to have children, but their marriages are not annulled. Is that fair? Marriage in Lutheran societies was always a civil affair, and part of the earthly kingdom (there is no marriage or giving of women in marriage in heaven, Jesus said). Therefore the earthly rulers, the civil courts, were to decide what it meant. The Lutheran Church never had formal legal control over marriage.
Marianne Moore never married, and as far as we know, never kissed or dated. She wasn't bad looking, but was busy fussing about with her career, and spent a great deal of time with her mother, who had divorced in Marianne's early childhood (the father was insane, I seem to recall). After Moore's mother's death, she asked the man who made the headstone to leave room for a possible man on the tombstone, in case she married. I haven't seen the headstone. Moore is buried in a cemetery at Gettysburg, alongside her mother. I would like to visit it, but haven't yet arranged a chunk of time to do that.
"Marriage" is Moore's longest poem. It's rather abstract, and consists of a collage of quotes strung together by brief commentary. It was written for a friend's marriage. Some scholars think she's mocking the institution. I don't think so. Others believe that she was gay. I don't think so, although one of her best friends was gay: W.H. Auden, and she had a long correspondence with a gay lesbian poet. But we don't know if she ever seriously considered "hooking up," as it's now put, with either of them, or with some man. We don't know if she was ever busted scoping a man's abs.
The Lutheran split over gay ordination, will presumably also reflect a split over gay marriage. Marriage to the Missouri Synod means babies, and family. ELCA places an emphasis on love, irrespective of how that love is expressed whether it's via oral sex, or anal sex.
Melancthon wrote, "the union of male and female belongs to the order of natural laws. Since the natural law is immutable, the right to contract marriage must always remain" (cited in Law and Protestantism, p. 241).
Many now claim that gayness is also natural, as is pluralistic sex, or wanting to have sex with animals. (In Fairness, this last example is in the wings, but has yet to say its name, or to be voted on by the good people of the ELCA. That is to say, that people who are living outside of marriage in relationship with a rhinocerous have yet to be ordained.)
Since the so-called Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, the strictures surrounding who can have sex with whom are increasingly under assault. The recent case of Roman Polanski's alleged rape and sodomy of a 13-year old girl (a woman now 45) has been sanctioned by the likes of Woody Allen (himself the father of his bride) and other members of Hollywood. One of the Papas of the Mamas and the Papas, or was it one of the Mamas, had a relationship with her own Papa (I haven't sorted this one out yet) for a period exceeding ten years. It's too boring to bother to sort out the details. It strikes some of us as evil, but others as love. All definitions are subject to ongoing revision.
So what should one think about this and fairness? Is one to say no to a proposition of a young man and a giraffe, and to deny the two of them happiness in a civil court?
Should only the possible creation of children be considered, in a state in which some cannot have children, even though they are a man and a woman in love?
"Mutual procreation and nurturance of children" was once considered the norm for marriage (Law and Protestantism, p. 253). But there were always some outsiders. William Burroughs married a woman named Joan and shot apples off her head in the sixties in lieu of having children. Eventually they did have a son, who was born as a drug addict, and later died after his second or third kidney transplant. Joan died after William shot her in the head, having missed the apple. They loved to tell about the game, and William felt remorse.
The apple perhaps reminds us of Adam and Eve, and that marriage is the only superlapsarian institution (existing before the Fall). Some couples marry later in life, or are unable to have children, but their marriages are not annulled. Is that fair? Marriage in Lutheran societies was always a civil affair, and part of the earthly kingdom (there is no marriage or giving of women in marriage in heaven, Jesus said). Therefore the earthly rulers, the civil courts, were to decide what it meant. The Lutheran Church never had formal legal control over marriage.
Marianne Moore never married, and as far as we know, never kissed or dated. She wasn't bad looking, but was busy fussing about with her career, and spent a great deal of time with her mother, who had divorced in Marianne's early childhood (the father was insane, I seem to recall). After Moore's mother's death, she asked the man who made the headstone to leave room for a possible man on the tombstone, in case she married. I haven't seen the headstone. Moore is buried in a cemetery at Gettysburg, alongside her mother. I would like to visit it, but haven't yet arranged a chunk of time to do that.
"Marriage" is Moore's longest poem. It's rather abstract, and consists of a collage of quotes strung together by brief commentary. It was written for a friend's marriage. Some scholars think she's mocking the institution. I don't think so. Others believe that she was gay. I don't think so, although one of her best friends was gay: W.H. Auden, and she had a long correspondence with a gay lesbian poet. But we don't know if she ever seriously considered "hooking up," as it's now put, with either of them, or with some man. We don't know if she was ever busted scoping a man's abs.
Marriage is one of those institutions in which beauty and law come together, and link the secular with the heavenly. But what is it? It seems increasingly to be open to interpretation. Here are some of Moore's divagations (in the Complete Poems, this is one of the most heavily annotated poems, since so many of the quotes are from rather recondite sources). What the poem means has been as widely interpreted as what marriage itself means. And I myself don't really know. It's a mystery to me.
MARRIAGE, by Marianne Moore
This institution,
perhaps one should say enterprise
out of respect for which
one says one need not change one's mind
about a thing one has believed in,
requiring public promises
of one's intention
to fulfil a private obligation:
I wonder what Adam and Eve
think of it by this time,
this fire-gilt steel
alive with goldenness;
how bright it shows -
"of circular traditions and impostures,
committing many spoils,"
requiring all one's criminal ingenuity
to avoid!
Psychology which explains everything
explains nothing,
and we are still in doubt.
Eve: beautiful woman -
I have seen her
when she was so handsome
she gave me a start,
able to write simultaneously
in three languages -
English, German, and French -
and talk in the meantime;
equally positive in demanding a commotion
and in stipulating quiet:
"I should like to be alone";
to which the visitor replies,
"I should like to be alone;
why not be alone together?"
Below the incandescent fruit,
the strange experience of beauty;
its existance is too much;
it tears one to pieces
and each fresh wave of consciousness
is poison.
"See her, see her in this common world,"
the central flaw
in that first crystal-fine experiment,
this amalgamation which can never be more
than an interesting impossibility,
describing it
as "that strange paradise
unlike flesh, stones,
gold or stately buildings,
the choicest piece of my life:
the heart rising
in its estate of peace
as a boat rises
with the rising of the water";
constrained in speaking of the serpent -
shed snakeskin in the history of politeness
not to be returned to again -
that invaluable accident
exonerating Adam.
And he has beauty also;
it's distressing - the O thou
to whom from whom,
without whom nothing - Adam;
"something feline,
something colubrine" - how true!
a crouching mythological monster
in that Persian miniature of emerald mines,
raw silk - ivory white, snow white, oyster white, and six others -
that paddock full of leopards and giraffes -
long lemon-yellow bodies
sown with trapezoids of blue.
Alive with words, vibrating like a cymbal
touched before it has been struck,
he has prophesied correctly -
the industrious waterfall,
"the speedy stream
which violently bears all before it,
at one time as silent as the air
and now as powerful as the wind."
"Treading chasms
on the uncertain footing of a spear,"
forgetting that there is in woman
a quality of mind
which as an instinctive manifestation
is unsafe,
he goes on speaking
in a formal customary strain,
of "past states, the present state,
seals, promises,
the evil one suffered,
the good one enjoys,
hell, heaven,
everything convenient
to promote one's joy."
In him a state of mind
perceives what it was not
intended that he should;
"he experiences a solemn joy
in seeing that he has become an idol."
Plagued by the nightingale
in the new leaves,
with its silence -
not its silence but its silences,
he says of it:
"It clothes me with a shirt of fire."
"He dares not clap his hands
to make it go on
lest it should fly off;
if he does nothing, it will sleep;
if he cries out, it will not understand."
Unnerved by the nightingale
and dazzled by the apple,
impelled by "the illusion of a fire
effectual to extinguish fire,"
compared with which
the shining of the earth
is but deformity - a fire
"as high as deep
as bright as broad
as long as life itself,"
he stumbles over marriage,
"a very trivial object indeed"
to have destroyed the attitude
in which he stood -
the ease of the philosopher
unfathered by a woman.
Unhelpful Hymen!
a kind of overgrown cupid
reduced to insignificance
by the mechanical advertising
parading as involuntary comment,
by that experiment of Adam's
with ways out but no way in -
the ritual of marriage,
augmenting all its lavishness;
its fiddlehead ferns,
lotus flowers, opuntias, white dromedaries,
its hippopotamus -
nose and mouth combined
in one magnificent hopper -
its snake and the potent apple.
He tells us
that "for love that will
gaze an eagle blind,
that is with Hercules
climbing the trees
in the garden of the Hesperides,
from forty-five to seventy
is the best age,"
commending it
as a fine art, as an experiment,
a duty or as merely recreation.
One must not call him ruffian
nor friction a calamity -
the fight to be affectionate:
"no truth can be fully known
until it has been tried
by the tooth of disputation."
The blue panther with black eyes,
the basalt panther with blue eyes,
entirely graceful -
one must give them the path -
the black obsidian Diana
who "darkeneth her countenance
as a bear doth,"
the spiked hand
that has an affection for one
and proves it to the bone,
impatient to assure you
that impatience is a mark of independence,
not of bondage.
"Married people often look that way" -
"seldom and cold, up and down,
mixed and malarial
with a good day and a bad."
We Occidentals are so unemotional,
self lost, the irony preserved
in "the Ahasuerus tête-à-tête banquet"
with its small orchids like snake's tongues,
with its "good monster, lead the way,"
with little laughter
and munificence of humor
in that quixotic atmosphere of frankness
in which "four o'clock does not exist,
but at five o'clock
the ladies in their imperious humility
are ready to receive you";
in which experience attests
that men have power
and sometimes one is made to feel it.
He says, "What monarch would not blush
to have a wife
with hair like a shaving brush?"
The fact of woman
is "not the sound of the flute
but very poison."
She says, "Men are monopolists
of 'stars, garters, buttons
and other shining baubles' -
unfit to be the guardians
of another person's happiness."
He says, "These mummies
must be handled carefully -
'the crumbs from a lion's meal,
a couple of shins and the bit of an ear';
turn to the letter M
and you will find
that ' a wife is a coffin,'
that severe object
with the pleasing geometry
stipulating space not people,
refusing to be buried
and uniquely disappointing,
revengefully wrought in the attitude
of an adoring child
to a distinguished parent."
She says, "This butterfly,
this waterfly, this nomad
that has 'proposed
to settle on my hand for life' -
What can one do with it?
There must have been more time
in Shakespeare's day
to sit and watch a play.
You know so many artists who are fools."
He says, "You know so many fools
who are not artists."
The fact forgot
that "some have merely rights
while some have obligatioins,"
he loves himself so much,
he can permit himself
no rival in that love.
She loves herself so much,
she cannot see herself enough -
a statuette of ivory on ivory,
the logical last touch
to an expansive splendor
earned as wages for work done:
one is not rich but poor
when one can always seem so right.
What can one do for them -
these savages
condemned to disaffect
all those who are not visionaries
alert to undertake the silly task
of making people noble?
This model of petrine fidelity
who "leaves her peaceful husband
only because she has seen enough of him" -
that orator reminding you,
"I am yours to command."
"Everything to do with love is a mystery;
it is more than a day's work
to investigate this science."
Ones sees that it is rare -
that striking grasp of opposites
opposed each to the other, not to unity,
which in cycloid inclusivenenss
has dwarfed the demonstration
of Columbus with the egg -
a triumph of simplicity -
that charitive Euroclydon
of frightening disinterestedness
which the world hates,
admitting:
"I am such a cow,
if I had a sorrow
I should feel it a long time;
I am not one of those
who have a great sorrow
in the morning
and a great joy at noon";
which says: "I have encountered it
among those unpretentious
proteges of wisdom,
where seeming to parade
as the debater and the Roman,
the statesmenship
of an archaic Daniel Webster
persists to their simplicity of temper
as the essence of the matter:
'Liberty and union
now and forever';
the Book on the writing table;
the hand in the breast pocket."
This is Moore's longest poem. The words, "liberty and union, now and forever," appear on a Daniel Webster statue's pedestal found in Central Park. Webster lived from 1782-1852.
MARRIAGE, by Marianne Moore
This institution,
perhaps one should say enterprise
out of respect for which
one says one need not change one's mind
about a thing one has believed in,
requiring public promises
of one's intention
to fulfil a private obligation:
I wonder what Adam and Eve
think of it by this time,
this fire-gilt steel
alive with goldenness;
how bright it shows -
"of circular traditions and impostures,
committing many spoils,"
requiring all one's criminal ingenuity
to avoid!
Psychology which explains everything
explains nothing,
and we are still in doubt.
Eve: beautiful woman -
I have seen her
when she was so handsome
she gave me a start,
able to write simultaneously
in three languages -
English, German, and French -
and talk in the meantime;
equally positive in demanding a commotion
and in stipulating quiet:
"I should like to be alone";
to which the visitor replies,
"I should like to be alone;
why not be alone together?"
Below the incandescent fruit,
the strange experience of beauty;
its existance is too much;
it tears one to pieces
and each fresh wave of consciousness
is poison.
"See her, see her in this common world,"
the central flaw
in that first crystal-fine experiment,
this amalgamation which can never be more
than an interesting impossibility,
describing it
as "that strange paradise
unlike flesh, stones,
gold or stately buildings,
the choicest piece of my life:
the heart rising
in its estate of peace
as a boat rises
with the rising of the water";
constrained in speaking of the serpent -
shed snakeskin in the history of politeness
not to be returned to again -
that invaluable accident
exonerating Adam.
And he has beauty also;
it's distressing - the O thou
to whom from whom,
without whom nothing - Adam;
"something feline,
something colubrine" - how true!
a crouching mythological monster
in that Persian miniature of emerald mines,
raw silk - ivory white, snow white, oyster white, and six others -
that paddock full of leopards and giraffes -
long lemon-yellow bodies
sown with trapezoids of blue.
Alive with words, vibrating like a cymbal
touched before it has been struck,
he has prophesied correctly -
the industrious waterfall,
"the speedy stream
which violently bears all before it,
at one time as silent as the air
and now as powerful as the wind."
"Treading chasms
on the uncertain footing of a spear,"
forgetting that there is in woman
a quality of mind
which as an instinctive manifestation
is unsafe,
he goes on speaking
in a formal customary strain,
of "past states, the present state,
seals, promises,
the evil one suffered,
the good one enjoys,
hell, heaven,
everything convenient
to promote one's joy."
In him a state of mind
perceives what it was not
intended that he should;
"he experiences a solemn joy
in seeing that he has become an idol."
Plagued by the nightingale
in the new leaves,
with its silence -
not its silence but its silences,
he says of it:
"It clothes me with a shirt of fire."
"He dares not clap his hands
to make it go on
lest it should fly off;
if he does nothing, it will sleep;
if he cries out, it will not understand."
Unnerved by the nightingale
and dazzled by the apple,
impelled by "the illusion of a fire
effectual to extinguish fire,"
compared with which
the shining of the earth
is but deformity - a fire
"as high as deep
as bright as broad
as long as life itself,"
he stumbles over marriage,
"a very trivial object indeed"
to have destroyed the attitude
in which he stood -
the ease of the philosopher
unfathered by a woman.
Unhelpful Hymen!
a kind of overgrown cupid
reduced to insignificance
by the mechanical advertising
parading as involuntary comment,
by that experiment of Adam's
with ways out but no way in -
the ritual of marriage,
augmenting all its lavishness;
its fiddlehead ferns,
lotus flowers, opuntias, white dromedaries,
its hippopotamus -
nose and mouth combined
in one magnificent hopper -
its snake and the potent apple.
He tells us
that "for love that will
gaze an eagle blind,
that is with Hercules
climbing the trees
in the garden of the Hesperides,
from forty-five to seventy
is the best age,"
commending it
as a fine art, as an experiment,
a duty or as merely recreation.
One must not call him ruffian
nor friction a calamity -
the fight to be affectionate:
"no truth can be fully known
until it has been tried
by the tooth of disputation."
The blue panther with black eyes,
the basalt panther with blue eyes,
entirely graceful -
one must give them the path -
the black obsidian Diana
who "darkeneth her countenance
as a bear doth,"
the spiked hand
that has an affection for one
and proves it to the bone,
impatient to assure you
that impatience is a mark of independence,
not of bondage.
"Married people often look that way" -
"seldom and cold, up and down,
mixed and malarial
with a good day and a bad."
We Occidentals are so unemotional,
self lost, the irony preserved
in "the Ahasuerus tête-à-tête banquet"
with its small orchids like snake's tongues,
with its "good monster, lead the way,"
with little laughter
and munificence of humor
in that quixotic atmosphere of frankness
in which "four o'clock does not exist,
but at five o'clock
the ladies in their imperious humility
are ready to receive you";
in which experience attests
that men have power
and sometimes one is made to feel it.
He says, "What monarch would not blush
to have a wife
with hair like a shaving brush?"
The fact of woman
is "not the sound of the flute
but very poison."
She says, "Men are monopolists
of 'stars, garters, buttons
and other shining baubles' -
unfit to be the guardians
of another person's happiness."
He says, "These mummies
must be handled carefully -
'the crumbs from a lion's meal,
a couple of shins and the bit of an ear';
turn to the letter M
and you will find
that ' a wife is a coffin,'
that severe object
with the pleasing geometry
stipulating space not people,
refusing to be buried
and uniquely disappointing,
revengefully wrought in the attitude
of an adoring child
to a distinguished parent."
She says, "This butterfly,
this waterfly, this nomad
that has 'proposed
to settle on my hand for life' -
What can one do with it?
There must have been more time
in Shakespeare's day
to sit and watch a play.
You know so many artists who are fools."
He says, "You know so many fools
who are not artists."
The fact forgot
that "some have merely rights
while some have obligatioins,"
he loves himself so much,
he can permit himself
no rival in that love.
She loves herself so much,
she cannot see herself enough -
a statuette of ivory on ivory,
the logical last touch
to an expansive splendor
earned as wages for work done:
one is not rich but poor
when one can always seem so right.
What can one do for them -
these savages
condemned to disaffect
all those who are not visionaries
alert to undertake the silly task
of making people noble?
This model of petrine fidelity
who "leaves her peaceful husband
only because she has seen enough of him" -
that orator reminding you,
"I am yours to command."
"Everything to do with love is a mystery;
it is more than a day's work
to investigate this science."
Ones sees that it is rare -
that striking grasp of opposites
opposed each to the other, not to unity,
which in cycloid inclusivenenss
has dwarfed the demonstration
of Columbus with the egg -
a triumph of simplicity -
that charitive Euroclydon
of frightening disinterestedness
which the world hates,
admitting:
"I am such a cow,
if I had a sorrow
I should feel it a long time;
I am not one of those
who have a great sorrow
in the morning
and a great joy at noon";
which says: "I have encountered it
among those unpretentious
proteges of wisdom,
where seeming to parade
as the debater and the Roman,
the statesmenship
of an archaic Daniel Webster
persists to their simplicity of temper
as the essence of the matter:
'Liberty and union
now and forever';
the Book on the writing table;
the hand in the breast pocket."
This is Moore's longest poem. The words, "liberty and union, now and forever," appear on a Daniel Webster statue's pedestal found in Central Park. Webster lived from 1782-1852.





