DOG TURDS & NEIGHBORLINESS

Every week I mow my lawn. Down by the road is a v-shaped slope, and in that area I generally find one or two dog turds. My kids, and the neighbor kids, play in that area.

Neighbors come and walk their dogs, and the dogs poop there. Some clean it up. They walk around with plastic bags, and scoop. Others don't scoop. Some scoop for the ones who don't scoop. But some don't ever scoop, and are never seen with plastic.

We who don't have dogs, but have children instead, wonder what it would be like if we let our children poop on the yards of the ones with dogs who don't scoop. I'll bet they would adore that.

I talked with the police officers yesterday to see if there was a fine for not scooping. The officer said that in the city it is 125 dollars (he had a great New York accent). The officer said there is a summons in our town, but in his memory, it hadn't been used. A boy who choked a girl on the bus was given a summons yesterday, and it went to arbitration. I'm supposed to call Kathy Fletcher, the code clerk, for details. I don't necessarily want to use the summons form, I just want to know what the law is (in general, I think the law should be reserved for only fairly severe conduct such as that which directly threatens a human life).

So, two days ago I actually caught a woman leaving a turd on my yard. I bagged it, and my wife left it on her porch (double-bagged). I've since been told by other neighbors that that particular woman is the primary source of abandoned dog turds in our neighborhood and some were excited that she had been confronted. The woman in question later claimed that she intended to bag it, but had forgotten to bring plastic. This woman is generally fairly friendly, and has other redeeming characteristics, but also has a large husband, and I have never been in a fight. I'm just wondering if I could outrun him.

At church today I spoke with the pastor who said the college kids next door have animals who poop all over his yard.

As Christians we are supposed to be neighborly. Does being neighborly also mean that we should confront those who aren't neighborly? Dogs slobber with friendliness, but I wouldn't consider this to be neighborly. If someone is leaving a filthy mess in an area where children play, and since children can't defend themselves, do adults have the duty to protect their play area from lazy adults who only care about the ease that not cleaning up after their dogs gives them? How dangerous are dog turds? Could they kill a baby if one decided to eat one? There are no babies at present in our neighborhood, but there are lots of toddlers. If a baby ate a turd that was on my yard, and it killed the baby, but it wasn't our turd, would I still be legally responsible for having the turd on my lawn?

The catechism says that not only should we not kill, but must be the stewards for life in our communities. That is, we should protect others, especially children, from the mindless activities of others.

I'm not a big fan of dogs. Ok, I see no reason for their existence in towns. They create problems by howling at night, and pooping by day, and are either way too friendly (slobbering and licking, or way too unfriendly -- growling and biting). Dogs aren't human, even though people give them human names, and pretend as if they are. They are actually wolves, and belong in the great woods hunting down deer (there are too many deer, and they should all be destroyed, to snap the Lyme chain).

Meanwhile, my apple tree has aphids. Ladybugs obliterate them, but there aren't enough ladybugs. Ladybugs are like wolves to aphids. The guy at the nursery said I should squirt the hose at them, and knock the aphids off the tree, and they wouldn't come back. He had a very nice-looking dog next to him which didn't bark. I thought it was a Corgi, but he said Scottish something. I liked the look of that dog. I wanted to scratch it behind the ears but was afraid it would tear my leg off in a sudden atavistic impulse.

I was showing the nursery guy a weird weed that grows in my backyard. He said it was "burdock." I try to dig it out but it has an immense root (several feet deep in some cases), and if I don't get it all the leaves shoot right back out of the ground. The Chinese make soup out of it. It has a gummy substance on the root that smells nice. The nursery guy (who is also a welding professor at my campus) said to use a product called Roundout, available at the Tractor Supply Store. He said he would use the old-fashioned method with a shovel.

Meanwhile, five little skunks were born on the abandoned property next door, and live underneath the pool. They are out every afternoon shopping for foliage, and chowing down. You have to comb through the phone book to find the animal removal people, and they can only get animals that are on your specific property. Some people have just moved in to that house, and got the pool going, but they are quite busy and haven't called to get the skunks removed. Baby skunks apparently don't spray, and no one sees the mother or father. At one point do the baby skunks start to spray? Already they are having standoffs with the few local dogs whose owners allow them to roam freely without a leash (we also have a summons for non-use of a leash). One local cat also roams freely, and leaves its turds everywhere.

In Massachusetts you are not allowed to disturb or remove animals. So I guess you have to let them poop on your house, and if skunks move in, you just have to move. Plants aren't covered yet, so you can still root up burdock, and eat it. Has anyone ever actually done this? I'm considering it.