I have kept it to myself how I didn't like dogs, but then about a year ago I couldn't take it any more. I began to discuss it in public.
In a class, I admitted that I thought that dogs were wolves, and should therefore be removed from towns and cities.
One student said to me, "You just haven't met the right dog."
I considered this. Then last week I encountered a pretty nice Schnauzer. This dog trotted along and sat in a basket, and didn't even bark. I briefly considered petting it before I got control of myself.
Later, I thought: maybe I could have been friends with that dog.
Fortunately, the moment has passed. But something irreversible has happened. Although I'm not going to load up the house with 101 Dalmatians, I no longer hold in contempt dogs or their owners. I'm still concerned about the sheer level of filth. 200 million dogs and their filth (how many dogs are in America -- how much filth do they actually represent?). What is it doing to the country? Can't Obama do something? He himself owns a dog. If he's not part of the solution, he's part of the problem. I'll bet he never walks it himself. Probably lets his security detail handle it. Many presidents have had a dog. Roosevelt had Fala. Did Lincoln have a dog? Washington? There's something missing when you think about a president without a dog. Maybe this is why I'll never be president. If Lincoln did have a dog, imagine the dog after the assassination. Mourning, cursing the south. If there's anything sadder than a president without a dog, then it's a dog without a president.
If you could remove waste and barking from dogs, perhaps they'd be ok. I HAVE considered letting the children own one (they badger me about it but the excuses have been fairly constant: mostly, allergies). I must maintain resistance. The truth is that I am not allergic to dogs. I am allergic to cats. But I don't like the work that dogs represent. Cats are mostly self-maintaining. Give them a litter box, and a ball of string, and you can wash your hands of them for years on end. Dogs however require levels of help and training. They have to be taught how to fetch a stick, and you have to run across the yard and grab the stick in your mouth, and wag your rear end to show them. Plus, there is the cleanliness issue. Kids always say that they'll take care of things. But. I'm going to end up walking it, and scooping, and all that, so unless I'm getting some kind of pleasure from the dog, it's out.
I'd like a dog that was like a cat. I don't like dogs that are indiscriminately affectionate and climb up on everyone with their eyes popping out, tongue lolling, humping the furniture. I'm beginning to hate dogs again. I'm beginning to regain my sanity.
I used to feel this way about children, but now I have four of them and my life is irreversibly enriched. Don't tell me that dogs are going to be yet another layer of love and affection in my life. If so, I'm thinking I would like to get a relatively quiet dog, affectionate, with a cute face and big eyes. Perhaps one with long hair, or one of those dogs with wrinkly skin. But do I really want the mess of an intestinal tract? Kids can be potty trained. Can dogs? Perhaps a virtual dog would work out. No intestinal tract, no visits to the vet. OK, Let's forget about this.
Dogs are probably a Democratic thing: probably more Democrats own them. Roosevelt was a Democrat. Probably communists like them, too. I have no idea what I could have been thinking. If I get a pet, should it be an elephant, or a rhinocerous? Imagine the curiosity of the neighbors. But there is still the waste issue. You'd not only have to scoop, you'd have to have a dump truck. What if I were to put a butterfly on a tiny silk string? Could still get the amusement, but could cut down on the waste products. But they'd probably die in a couple of days, and my grief would be insurmountable. Birds are stupid. Fish? Perhaps a whale would be fun. But that's not really a fish. Still, they can talk, people say. But then, people can talk, too. How well do whales really listen?
22 comments:
What is the man's fascination with dogs? They change their whole life to accommodate these animals. If they treated other people the way they treat their dogs, what a better world this would be. Although, not sure I would appreciate be followed by someone with a plastic bag.
Don't give into the dogs! Enjoy your kids.
doggonit kirby
i loves it when yer so honest
it's dog eat dog
the chinese eat dogs
they are communists
so kirby perhaps
you'd be a good communist if you tried
no wait
the chinese are now the alpha capitalists
that's it
dogs are good on ranches
and good on tv
good in the fields
dogs lighten things up
they help us to understand that
there are soceties other than our own
ever notice how dogs know about one another
Pee-mail
these are the dog days of autumn
great streams kirby
i think the greatest on
all blogdom
you deserve a feather in your cap
pax romanum dude
jh
Thanks so much, JH. Your input is valuable as I doggedly pursue some sense of intuitive transcendence, I use you as the litmus test of how I'm doing.
Actually, birds aren't stupid.
Some parrots have the mental faculties of a 3-6 year old child.
Cats can be trained to use the toilet, but only because they're so fastidious. Dogs will do it anywhere, then laugh about it.
Basenjis don't bark. They can make some kind of noise, but they only do it very rarely, and its not a bark. That's why they call them the "barkless" dogs. They also groom themselves like a cat, and they don't shed! I think you should look around for a Basenji!
When a human keeps a dog, it is a patriarchal relationship. The dog is happier under the order imposed by man (or authority weilding woman), and is a disaster if no such authority is imposed. (To Bachoffen is matriarchy a pack of dogs with no master?) A cat on the other hand is the opposite, and will resist direct authority, (though I have seen my mom tell her cat not to kill a nest of baby bunnies and the cat obeyed). Generally, a cat must be negotiated with, and if you are a good cat, so will they be.
The wild version of the domestic cat (felis catus silvestris) is not a social animal. But a change occurred in some wild cats that lived in the Nile delta 10,000 years ago, so that they would tolerate living close to other cats (and humans). Given a food source, (a trash heap) a colony of cats will form. They tolerate each other and will even share food, but there is not a top cat, as there is in a wolf pack.
The unregulated cat colony strikes me as a rather libertarian enterprise as opposed to the wolf pack or the dog with master? Which one of these worlds is more Lutheran?
William, I don't know if animals can be Lutheran. They seem out for themselves, and I don't think they can believe in Jesus, which is the ultimate (and only true) test of a Christian.
Surrealists were very interested in anarchism on the other hand, and the cats in Egypt apply there (interesting that they used the symbol of the cat in their pyramids, right?).
Dog packs (wild chihuahuas) and so on reminds me of matriarchy, with the alpha male as top dog. That is more or less matriarchy.
In that the top dog just gets what he wants, like the top dog in a drug cartel, or in a mafia family.
Patriarchy as Bachofen sees it is a man who is himself at the top but is the servant of all the others in that he is run by a set of principles which he serves, rather than the principle being that everyone serves him. Patriarchy is like a good mayor, or a good pastor.
Feminists invert this, and focus on men who were hypocrites who were pretending to be good pastors but were in fact exploiting their sheep as the Pope in Luther's time was doing, or as many Catholic priests have been doing to the kids in their parishes over the last fifty years. That's a patriarchy on the surface, but there's an underlying story in which it's really a matriarchy.
The Egyptian cats you describe are neither of these, as it doesn't seem that cats understand principles and aren't even really very social. They tolerate one another to some extent, but don't work together the way that wolves and dogs and schools of piranhas do.
I think animals therefore can only be matriarchal at best, and never patriarchal in the sense that Bachofen describes. They have no law but that of nature, and cannot rise above nature. Humans, on the other hand, can, but it's difficult.
So only humans can be patriarchal, but most aren't. They are matriarchal, or perhaps in other words, they are just animals.
I still say a Basenji, patriarchal or no.
I like the barkless and odorless self-cleaning aspects of the Basenji! However, here are some other details from the Wiki page:
"The Basenji is alert, affectionate, energetic, curious and reserved with strangers. The Basenji is somewhat aloof, but can also form strong bonds with people and can become emotionally attached to a single human. Basenjis may not get along with non-canine pets. It is commonly patient, but does best with older considerate handlers. Basenjis dislike wet weather, like to climb, can easily get over chain wire fences, and are very clever at getting their own way. The Basenji has the unique properties of not barking (it makes a low, liquid ululation instead) and cleaning itself like a cat. It can be described as speedy, frisky, tireless at play, and teasing the owner into play. Most Basenji problems usually involve a mismatch between owner and pet. Basenjis often stand on their hind legs, somewhat like a meerkat, by themselves or leaning on something; this behavior is often observed when the dog is curious about something. Basenjis reveal their animal-of-prey nature by chasing after fast moving objects that cross their paths."
It said that they get along best with older handlers. It sounds like my kids would get their cute little faces snapped at. Perhaps this shall be a dog for my late old age as I continue to chase down literary lions, long after the children have departed and set up their own little smokestacks.
Undoubtedly the more hierarchical society is the more Christian, and therefore the more Lutheran. We were looking at Titus today, the last of Paul's Pastorals, in adult education today. You might remember it: it starts with the attributes of an elder and bishop, and goes on to talk about how wives are subservient to their husbands, older women are examples to younger women (who are subservient to them) and serve as examples, just as older men in the community serve as examples for younger men.
But here was my realization. All are subservient. The men who serve as elders and bishops have attributes that are consonant putting the community's interest ahead of their own.
It is just as Jesus said in Mark: "Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all." Indeed, seen this way, the younger have it easier, for they have only one master, or a few. But the older and more powerful you get, the more you have to take into account the interest of others, and place it above your own.
You may put me down as a dog person.
Standard Poodle all the way.
They rarely bark and don't lick.
They are fastidious self cleaners (including during estrus).
And they look awesome.
Someone pointed out a Burmese Mountain Dog last night. Very charming calm specimen. I considered it, but still have to google for problematic aspects.
Unlike humans, I don't think it is possible for a dog to arrive at sainthood.
They are, after all, still wolves underneath the affable exterior.
Oh, I googled and it's BERNESE, which means they are from Bern, in Switzerland, rather than from Burma.
Also, they don't live long. I don't see why people would want to get all attached to an animal that is only going to up and die.
Barghest has asked good questions. I would have to leave it to a pastor to describe the flock of Lutherans. Surrealists around Breton were anarchistical, but he'd get mad over slight things (interpretation of a Tarot card would be enough to send someone packing).
The cats are certainly more appealing to me. I dislike central organization but on the other hand, it works. No anarchist commune has ever been able to survive a Marxist army. They get rubbed out every time.
In soccer, superior team organization wins out over brilliant individual play.
In general, I would argue that conservatives win out over radicals because radicals are trying something profoundly new -- which is also something profoundly stupid, since the holes in it haven't been worked out yet.
Conservatives by nature stick with what works.
And therefore are less likely to create complete collapse.
Surrealism itself collapsed.
Lutheranism did not, and instead appears to be growing, but also morphing in the process.
The Catholics are also holding strong in spite of the infiltration of pervs into their hierarchy.
Communism, a more or less recent phenomenon, has all but completely collapsed. It survives in its pure form in only a few places: Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Myanmar come to mind. These places have only the ghost of an economy (but don't tell the Dear Leader or else you will be killed!).
But what works for dogs and cats may not work for humans. We do need sophisticated communications systems, roads, and legislatures, as well as voting machines that actually work, and actually register the will of the people accurately, etc.
ok i can't help myself
i have to get this off my chest
there's a freaking dog who comes to mass here at the abbey every freaking day supposedly under the guise of being a security agent for a ditsy former lab maven who says she can't hear i guess she can't hear so she has this freaking scraggly little miserable dog she brings to church every freaking day and i'm like just freaking because who the hell needs a freaking dog in the sanctuary pray tell and they prance up to communion together like lady and man's best friend and she's named the thing caritas and she sort of expects that we're all just going to think this is so freaking cute but it ain't it's a scourge itsa damned travesty is what it is but who can do anything about it who's going to go up to the deaf lady and say hey your freaking dog is bugging me during mass take it outside would you so she has us by the liturgical balls as it were holding us hostage
and there was a dog funeral this summer
real sick
that seemed perverted to me
pervs in the hierarchy
you've got to be kidding me
there ain't no pervs in the hierarchy
they's all virtuous men
men of high valour and interirior rectitudetoodledee doo dignitaries of the highest order each and everyone manifesting nothing but the eternal scents of holiness even their farts are holy no kirby you've got the wrong idea no no no they are holy holy holy men you just go to the vatican some day and talk to those guys (sometimes it's a good idea to slip 'em a fiver before you start talkin) they will present to you the images of sanctity the unflappable conviction of faith lived perfectly each and every day men of unyielding goodness and perspiscacity and intelligense all of them trained in the sublime arts of reading the human soul (you might want to pay them a little more if it gets to this point )
the problem in the catholic church now is the women
they're screwing everything up
they're rippin it to shreds they're draggin it through the muckh they're watering it down they're takin it to the cleaners but the electricity always seems to go out when they get there
no the catholic men have proven themslelves each and every one the paragons of virtue and clean livin' by god
it's the women
just like most everywhere else
who are wrecking things wreaking havoc tossing it all to the rabid dogs
the only good catholic women are the women who pray the rosary
and they're nearly obsolete
here's where i agree with the muslims
the women should wear shawls and cover their heads and maybe even their faces
as a way of understanding the beauty and hardship of being a woman
it's easy to throw rocks from the outside it's a lot harder to be accurate on the inside so bring your little ecclesiastical stones inside and throw a few around why don't you you're bound to hit a saint sooner or later
joyful sinners marching along
i think there should be seperate services for dogs and cats there can be little animal jesus churches and paid pastors who conduct liturgies which are formed to be relevant to dogs and cats
communion can be an assortment of tricks roll over sit jump frisbee catch etc
the church of st rock st rocco st rocque
dogs have a place on pilgrimages but not in churches they need their own churches
dogs should all run free
and no one should cringe when one gets shot either
there i feel better now
freakin dog in church
can you freakin believe it
jh
hey i just thought of a resolution to the women priest madness in the catholic church
stop me if i take things too far
but
maybe the women could be the priests of the canine and feline churches they could take over that ministry...there would have to be leashes and some regulation of activity within the congregtion...but i think women would be good at that...and it would also serve as a babysitting time because kids love animals
hunting dogs and ranch dogs would be hard pressed to go to church..but perhaps if they observed mating possibilities there they'd go readily
..have i just now mapped out the ecclesial trajectory for the end times or what
vote for fear
it's worked in the past
jh
parrots should be permitted to vote
perhaps they do in they're own ways
JH - male priests molesting boys is the fault of women?
huh.
Sounds like you need a roll in the hay to get out some tension.
it's a complex thing brett
the truth of it can't be in the news
news is a distraction
something some people manipulate
in order to get what they want
my newest conspiracy theory is that women who want to be priests conspired with jewish media industry mogols to make the men look bad..so priests are the most feared dudes now...every one of 'em now suspect...a potential threat to children... the women can then go about their heretical hysterical social engineering in order to get their way
all birth control is not about women at all
it's about proving that men are not really all that necessary anymore
and the ones who might be viewed as being somehow necessary are to be perceived as pervs
it's tough no matter where you go
inside RC it's getting more surreal than even kirby could imagine...i think i may head over to the eastern orthodox ranks
they seem to do things right...
and no girls in the sanctuary...that's just the way it is...no dogs either
the subliminal castration of american men is well under way
i'd be careful were i you
as for me
i've given it all up for the kingdom
jh
"my newest conspiracy theory is that women who want to be priests conspired with jewish media industry mogols to make the men look bad"
I think you've given up your mind too - dang ol' daggum tell you what -
1) The Catholic priest thing really isn't big in the minds of people - I mean, it happened, so every now and again a comedian will make a dirty joke about it, but you bring it up more than anyone else.
2) Your inability to come to terms with a reality that you would rather were other is very telling...you're goin' off the deep end, here.
brett
kirby provokes catholic diatribe
i ignore it most times
sometimes i take the bait
over the deep end on kirby's blog is like a plateau on any other
part of being lutheran is being anti rome
kirby would have us look like dogs running wild in the streets of civilized america
i'm more than willing to be part of the cognitive brainbreaking of this blog
even at the expense of my sanity
(-)(-)
!
\------/
got those rancid tea party blues
is not reality always perceived through the subjective lens
i don't feel like i'm living in a red country
maybe it is because
i have the blues
dog days of autumn
jh
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